"I was thiiiis close...!!!"

..to dying today. How exciting! OK, so apparently that's my trademark comment. (The "how exciting" thing) This morning 430am when I was downstairs in the car park just leaving for work, I heard this massive screech of tyres and a huge smash and was like "wat the fuck!!!" Ran to go up there outside and thought, wait, I should get my keys so I can get back in! Also thinking about dead people and blood and CPR and all that. So ended up driving the car out there for some light and there's the little red sooped-up hatch the wrong way round smashed against the curb, glass everywhere and an expensive 4wd that'd bumped about 10m from where it was parked. 2 guys stuck in the car and are too DRUNK to get out of the car. Luckily they weren't hurt but man for 15 seconds before I get up there, I was freaking the fuck out. The driver finally staggered out of the car, he told me they'd been drinking in the city and he couldnt' remember where they were going. He said they'd be going now. no way. sorry, dude. that car ain't goin' nowhere. you know, i didn't even check the 4wd for anyone in it. just assumed it was empty and parked out the front. i'm pretty sure that was the case because i've definitely seen it before and it was 430am when normal people should be in bed, but still... so by this stage, people are coming outside in their dressing gowns. the other guy's still fumbling around in the car trying to get out. fool. he gets out and basically falls over. so we're just sitting down on the ground trying to chill them out and one goes "you give me lift to hawthorn now?" fuckin A. there's people on the phone, assuming they're calling cops or something. man i had to leave. i'm already late for work! thought i'd call the cops anywayz...turns out no, the cops didn't know about it yet. what, was that old bag that was on the phone just calling her son or something?? ah well... poor dudes in the car. that's one expensive fun time in the city.
so got home from work at lunchtime and this pole out the front is bent down to the ground. what - did this car get airbourne or something?? there's glass everywhere and so that's shitting me cuz they've swept it all off the road onto the driveway. nice :)
anyway, i'm still alive. sorry to disappoint xx