realisation

So I was just driving home from the my little excursion out and I came to a realisation. Skip to the end if you don't want to be bored.

Had a naturopath appointment today with Ky. I'd been dreading this for 2 weeks. oh fancy that - that's the last time I saw her. I'm so sick of eating eggs for breakfast and I'm sick of meat and sick of lettuce. I'm even sick of "Lisa's crazy omlette". Seems I can't get enough alcohol, namely white wine or vodka. Even the odd beer (not ODD beer as in strange, although i like beez neez and that's kind of odd). Bring on the carbs, along with the seratonin that makes you go up and down. And that's exactly what happened at 3pm. Ky wasn't there. She's gone away on preg. leave. Her replacement, of whom I'd never met before, was there and she was just lovely. She asked how i was and then all of a sudden this flood of... well, tears, basically, came pouring out. Damn it. Fuck fuck fuck. how the fuck did that happen?? I said how I'm so over this. What, since May I've been doing this? feels like forever. Maybe not since may. But ages. I'm sick of the pill popping (all natural, mind you), I'm over the Luteol Plus, the Lipotropene, the Fibroplex Plus and multivitamins and protein shakes (although, they're not too bad. like a milkshake every day - delicious!) Give me a frickin' pizza and a chocolate bar, for fuck's sake. I don't remember the last time I ate takeaway. Seriously. Even in Perth on holidays i got to takeaway was some booze from my friend Bottleo (the). So what kind of takeaway do I get today? It's called Proxan. It's natural. Apparently it will solve all this 'beating myself up' bizzo. Not that I'm slitting my wrists or anything (geez, this is getting morbid), but I'll get over this feeling of stuck-ness and feel better and ready to move on with the whole lettuce-eating thing. Btw, I just finished a half-limp carrot. (half limp because lex came back from holidays and has reclaimed the crisper for his crap and now my vegies, of which i adore (both the vegies and lex - really, he's a great housemate), die a quicker death (not lex of course). Gosh, i'm loving the brackets today, wouldn't you say? Moving on...so after i broke up with the naturopath - i'm giving it a break for a month to take these herbal lifesavers (not literally) and chill the fuck out from lettuce (oh, did i say I planted 20 not long ago??) - i went to the bank to deposit my tax return - yippeeee! - (wow i've gone from brackets to elipses) then I proceeded to the post office to post my cheque to the guy who got me the tax return. nice one morgans. where i see the CSIRO twin pack diet stuff. Yess!!! only $10. wow. heavily reduced. so what did i do? you guessed it - lil' ol' lisa bought it. just for some light reading, you know.

so here it is - after the post office, driving in the car, I had this realisation. (again, read ahead) You know what? it's not just the big "realisation". I'm sure it's a whole lot of things. I haven't been exercising this week. 'Sunrise' kills me - really. like the wrist-slitting thing, but really. Getting up at 4am sucks. getting home at 1235 rules. then I crash. onto the couch. "Come on, Lisa," I say. "Onto that bike." Yeah, right. "Get those sneakers on and outside for some leg moving." Whateva. After doing this shift month on month off for over a year, you'd think I'd be settled into some kind of routine. NO. you know what I'm doing straight after this lengthy novel? I'm going to bed. Till 630pm. then i'll get up, have a shower and going to a fucking PASTA NIGHT. of all things. courtesty of loren, who i love, and then drinks at press club, which I also love, but really, these are my enemies. You know what gets me most?? People that just dont get the whole protein rulz thing. you know, carbs are bad. They've never experienced that kind of eating and it's not fair!!! no, really it is. lucky them. once you start, it just ruins your life forever. gosh, did i say this was morbid? And the other thing...i think i'm just sick of who i am. Not me as in life or work. just stuff. I made changes - the hair, the voicing thing, went on a mini trip away, met new friends, trying to keep busy, et cetera. Life is great. But I'm not. But I feel happy. I'm always with people. I'm just so sick of the lettuce. Basically.

And my big realisation was....I have the PHBs - Post Holiday Blues. Even though it was only for 4 days. They were a great four days!! I love the Central Coast. I love the beach, the water, the sun, the company, the drinking, the chilling, the bbqs, the smoking...just everything! Even the 11hr drive home again. I love it all!! Now i'm back and 1 week later it's hit me. So i think that's it.

Btw, happy new year :)